He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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