remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
