I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
