Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
