I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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