Im at strip club and am horny
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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