Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just high enough for therapy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
