i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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