I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize