Your dad touched me again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
