Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
