would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
