We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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