I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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