Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
