Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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