We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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