There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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