i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
