I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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