What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
wow bdsm is so cute
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
