Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
