Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
