I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
