He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
