Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
