I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
