Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
