Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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