I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm too high and old for this...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
