I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wear drunk well.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
