Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
