Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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