When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize