apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry about my life...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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