shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
