Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
