She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
