I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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