He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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