I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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