I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
