wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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