I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
