When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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