I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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