Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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