Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
