I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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