There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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