I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
