I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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