I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
