If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
