So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
