we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
