what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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