yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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