belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
being pregnant is like rehab
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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