and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
