just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
