i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
