he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
