i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
