fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
