just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
