There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
