I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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