Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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