Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize