So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we're so committed to being not committed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
