apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
